On Sun, 29 Oct 1995, Ford Prefect wrote:
> In article <46mn11$bb@access5.digex.net>,
> jmwilson@access5.digex.net (John Wilson) wrote:
> >In <no-kitty@jaksgkjlagsags>, spatula@retina.net (tv's Spatch) wrote:
> >: In article
> <Pine.SOL.3.91.951022164300.28200A-100000@lawson.its.utas.edu.au>,
> >: Oinkman (Damien Leer) <dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au> wrote:
> >: >> < > Antelope freeway, 1/2 mile...
> >: >> antelop freeway, 1/4 mile...
> >: >> antelope freeway, 1/8 mile...
> >: >antelope freeway, 1/16 mile...
> >: antelope freeway, 1/32 mile...
> >antelope freeway, 1/64 mile...
> antelope freeway, 1/128 mile...
antelope freeway, 1/256 mile...
--
Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) (damien@vision.net.au) ,--_|\
Oinkman says "oink!", (but Ross said it first:) - is that better?/ \
http://www.vision.net.au/~damien/ oink! oink! \_,--\_/
"Oinkman, you're a sick little piglet. But dementia has its advantages."
"Too many people have actually had a UFO stick a probe up their butt."
Merril Bainbridge Homepage - any info/pics to help me get it off the ground
would be greatly appreciated. Please mail me if you can help.
> Damien Leer oinked:
>
> : no reason - just curious.
> What????? Are you serious?
yes. I have been Serious ever since the day of my birth, when my parents
gave me that name. In future, please treat my name with the respect it
deserves, and spell it with a capital 'S'. Thankyou.
Serious -- I am too, you know - really I am.
--
Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) (damien@vision.net.au) ,--_|\
Oinkman says "oink!", (but Ross said it first:) - is that better?/ \
http://www.vision.net.au/~damien/ oink! oink! \_,--\_/
"Oinkman, you're a sick little piglet. But dementia has its advantages."
"Too many people have actually had a UFO stick a probe up their butt."
Merril Bainbridge Homepage - any info/pics to help me get it off the ground
would be greatly appreciated. Please mail me if you can help.
quoth "Oinkman (Damien Leer)" <dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au>:
> no reason - just curious.
I'm Batman.
--
tv's Spatch, the grumpy old neighbor in the neighborhood that is Usenet
"Well, hell, honey, I figure if we're gonna drown 'em like kittens tomorrow,
we might as well spoil them now." - the Dysfunctional Family Circus
Gasping for breath: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula
There it went!
mikroa@ix.netcom.com (Michael Roach ) writes: :In <475b3f$ivp@freenet.vcu.edu> pford@cabell.vcu.edu (cabbage) writes: :> :> :> :>There it went! :Somebody catch it before it gets out the door! Oh great. Now it's loose on the ship. --Bill -- wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com - Searching for the lost cause. Check out my Totally Inane Home Paragraph at: http://www.mecklerweb.com/mags/iw/v6n1/letters.htm
>In article <95102615032516120@busilink.com>, >karmin.stjean@busilink.com (Karmin Stjean) wrote: >TS>>I think people who flame us are total dicknuts and need to go hang out on >TS>>alt.sex.guns and get a life >TS>> >TS>>That's my 45 cents >TS>Here's a nickel, now you just gave 40. >If people who are flaming people here are stupid, then isn't >Alt.Stupidity the most appropriate place for them to be? (SMILE) Dad let's me flame on Saturday, definately on a Saturday. Today's Monday, definately not on a Monday.
>In article <46qlek$ak2@borg.it.uswc.uswest.com>, >wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com (William Wilkinson) wrote: >spatula@retina.net (tv's Spatch) writes: > >:In article <fts.244.017095AF@cris.com>, Chester Karma <fts@cris.com> wrote: >:>In article <lost-kitty@klkjlafasf> spatula@retina.net (tv's Spatch) writes: >:> >:>>Here's a nickel, now you just gave 40. >:> >:>I want a nickel... I don't have any!! >:> >:>Chester = who is then considered Nickel-less > >:Cool. He was always my favorite character on Eight Is Enough. >I thought he was the guy who designed Pascal. You're thinking of the simpleton police officer in The Dukes of Hazzard who had a strange relationship with a dog named Flash.
>In article <814839836.12328@kildare.demon.co.uk>, >jim@kildare.demon.co.uk (Jim Wraith) wrote: >Was it pford@cabell.vcu.edu (cabbage) that said the following?? >)>In article <45brbu$lrc@kelly.teleport.com>, >)>(Steve) sdc@teleport.com asked: > >)>What's irc? > >) It's the beginning of the Irckey Mouse Club song: > >) "I-R-C K-E-Y.....M-O-U-S-E. Irckey Mouse!" > > >)cabbage: ahh the mamaries.... > >Roy're not Sydlexic ear oyu? On.
>In article <ATAYLOR.95Oct23204340@gauss.nmsu.edu>, >ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy) wrote: ><In article <46gr0m$bi8@freenet.vcu.edu> pford@cabell.vcu.edu (cabbage) writes: >< >aardvark@bga.com (aardvark) wrote: >< >duhhh... >< You said it! > Huh? Yep.
...and guess who's butt it's in?
I wish I had a Heinekin shirt.
*******************************************************
" There's a little bit of everyone, that nobody else is like. "
---Paul Degrassi (A friend of mine)
quoth amc@moe.ac.sg (Chew Khean-En Alistair Martyn):
>Specifically, societies always have problems.
>When there are enough of them, specific problems form societies.
The Mormons?!
tv's Spatch, the grumpy old neighbor in the neighborhood that is Usenet
"Well, hell, honey, I figure if we're gonna drown 'em like kittens tomorrow,
we might as well spoil them now." - the Dysfunctional Family Circus
Gasping for breath: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula
quoth dacosta@news.gate.net (nobody):
>A test.
Hey, didn't we already do this Panama joke?
Sheesh.
--
tv's Spatch, the grumpy old neighbor in the neighborhood that is Usenet
"Well, hell, honey, I figure if we're gonna drown 'em like kittens tomorrow,
we might as well spoil them now." - the Dysfunctional Family Circus
Gasping for breath: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula
quoth russ@acs.bu.edu (Russ *buuuuurp* Reynolds):
>In article <46srsj$gtj@vixen.cso.uiuc.edu>, wright@blast.bso.uiuc.edu (wright) writes:
>|> i'm do^H^h do^H^H so drunk my lips ar numb.
>|> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrp.
>|>
>|> --anon.penet.fi
>|>
>|> ps: FWIW, mi lyfe sux bbyg tymne
> Whoa! Chin up there buckaroo! Just `cause your hacking
> whilst drunk does not mean that your lyfe sux bbyg tymne. It
> does however impede typing.
Go, Russ! Talk him down!
--
tv's Spatch, the grumpy old neighbor in the neighborhood that is Usenet
"Well, hell, honey, I figure if we're gonna drown 'em like kittens tomorrow,
we might as well spoil them now." - the Dysfunctional Family Circus
Gasping for breath: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula
In article <DH9K8p.3uu@midway.uchicago.edu> lod2@quads.uchicago.edu (john patrick lodder) writes: > Yes, I really did find a diner/bar/cafe called: > > Bacon Sandwhich!! > > It's true! Oh yeah! That's that place Gerald opened up after he left the band. I think Keith Richards is a silent partner. I ate there once. Had the Spatch Salad, bacon bits, crutons and a sliced rutabaga. flapjack-who can also recomend the Bob Vila flambe -- This post not available in Fairfield County "Aristotle was such a. . . idiot he was like: 'Reah! I'm a philosophah!" --Abe Smith http://openweb.vassar.edu/students/nosmith/nosmith.html (it beats suicide)
In <475llk$ku@vassun.vassar.edu> nosmith@vassar.edu (Flapjack) writes: > >In article <DH9K8p.3uu@midway.uchicago.edu> >lod2@quads.uchicago.edu (john patrick lodder) writes: > >> Yes, I really did find a diner/bar/cafe called: >> >> Bacon Sandwhich!! >> >> It's true! > >Oh yeah! That's that place Gerald opened up after he left the band. >I think Keith Richards is a silent partner. > >I ate there once. Had the Spatch Salad, bacon bits, crutons and a >sliced rutabaga. > >flapjack-who can also recomend the Bob Vila flambe The Colossus at Jack in the Box has two pieces of bacon for each ventricle and atrium!
quoth lod2@quads.uchicago.edu (john patrick lodder):
>Yes, I really did find a diner/bar/cafe called:
>Bacon Sandwhich!!
>It's true!
Where exactly is this place? And would they give us froup discounts?
--
tv's Spatch, the grumpy old neighbor in the neighborhood that is Usenet
"Well, hell, honey, I figure if we're gonna drown 'em like kittens tomorrow,
we might as well spoil them now." - the Dysfunctional Family Circus
Gasping for breath: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula
quoth "Oinkman (Damien Leer)" <dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au>:
>On 28 Oct 1995 sdc@teleport.com wrote:
>>
>> O O
>> <------> Ribit Ribit ________
>> . . .................|______ _|
>> /\ . . /\ ) \
>> / | \_____/ | \ \_\
>> /// M M \\\
>>
>>
>>
>> Just be nice to it because it's so dam cute!
> muahahahahahaha!
LOOK OUT!
Oinkman's got a "Ribit Ribit" gun!!
--
tv's Spatch, the grumpy old neighbor in the neighborhood that is Usenet
"Well, hell, honey, I figure if we're gonna drown 'em like kittens tomorrow,
we might as well spoil them now." - the Dysfunctional Family Circus
Gasping for breath: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula
quoth gsi00653@gsaix2.cc.gasou.edu (sheep dog):
>do you believe yourself when you say in your head...."it'll be ok"
No, but that's got the makings of a kick-ass angst song.
>i believe you.....sure....i've been there before...man it's ok...you're
>not gonna die....it's only temporary.......
What, the death or the belief?
>"but the grasshopper in my brain is growing"
"When you can take this grasshopper out of my brain, it is time for you to
leave."
>shhhhhh....it'll be alright.....here have some coffee.....it's colombian..
I didn't know coffee was powdery and white.
--
tv's Spatch, the grumpy old neighbor in the neighborhood that is Usenet
"Well, hell, honey, I figure if we're gonna drown 'em like kittens tomorrow,
we might as well spoil them now." - the Dysfunctional Family Circus
Gasping for breath: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula
quoth renee.f.elrod@uwrf.edu (Renee Elrod):
>I am in the Columbia House Video Club, and as I was looking through their
>special insert on Christmas videos, there was a Mighty Morphin Power
>Ranger Christmas one entitled "I'm Dreaming of a White Ranger". I showed
>it to a co-worker who said "There's just something *wrong* about that!"
>I tend to agree with her:)
Exactly. Why the hell would you be dreaming of the White Ranger when the Pink
Ranger's getting all the requests in alt.nude.celebrities?
--
tv's Spatch, the grumpy old neighbor in the neighborhood that is Usenet
"Well, hell, honey, I figure if we're gonna drown 'em like kittens tomorrow,
we might as well spoil them now." - the Dysfunctional Family Circus
Gasping for breath: http://uptown.turnpike.net/S/spatula
In article <lost-kitty@kfsjkjlfsafsa> spatula@retina.net (tv's Spatch) writes: > In article <46s186$ocl@vassun.vassar.edu>, Flapjack <nosmith@vassar.edu> wrote: > >In article <46ns8h$i4b@rzsun02.rrz.uni-hamburg.de> > >fs5a182@rzaix05.uni-hamburg.de (Gwyneth Kozbial) writes: > > > >> Pierre Maraninchi (pmaranin@ifhamy.insa-lyon.fr) wrote: > >> > >> : Can anybody tell me if tomato is a fruit or a vegetable ? > >> > >> : Please, quickly ! > >> > >> It's a fregtable... Spatch, do you remember what the details of that > >> proposed fregtable plan were? > > > >Let's > > ... talk about it. I believe that under Ross Perot's healthcare plan, > fregtables, including naked twins, were covered. Actually, I think that was part of Gore's plan: GORE: Under Bill Clinton's and my plan, naked twins would be covered. PEROT: If they were covered, then they wouldn't be naked. GORE: Well, there are still kinks to be worked out. PEROT: Yeah, you're pretty kinky yourself. > > > - spatch, HONEY, COME HELP ME GET THE PHONE OFF MY FOOT - > > flapjack-who is wondering if a naked twin would be considered a fruit or a vegetable -- This post not available in Fairfield County "Aristotle was such a. . . idiot he was like: 'Reah! I'm a philosophah!" --Abe Smith http://openweb.vassar.edu/students/nosmith/nosmith.html (it beats suicide)
Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a
London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel
involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
WHAT TO DO WITH ALL THOSE "FREE" SOAPS WHEN TRAVELLING
******************************************************
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove
the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest
and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank
you,
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as
you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and
put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your
mind. This
leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid --
I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you
about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got
back to my room this evening I found you had
added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am
going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own
bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the
shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please
remove them.
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
DearMr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which
we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were
in your way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your
Dial was. I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your
convenience. I didn't remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are
always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and
which you did not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please
let me
know if I can of further assistance. Your regular maid,
Dotty
----------------------------------------------------------------------
DearMr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will
accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any
future complaints please contact me so I can give it my personal
attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM. That's the
reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a
new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little
bars of soap.
Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my
room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and
had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem.
I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our
maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a
room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my
apologies
for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars
of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize
I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial.
Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.
Then you
complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the
3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know
anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy,
did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays
plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't
know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was
able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
- On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 2.
- On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
- On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4
hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of
2.
- In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
- On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window
sill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
deliveries. One
more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am
keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
misunderstandings.
S. Berman
--------------------------------------------
Jesper Nilsson // dat92jni@ludat.lth.se or jesper@df.lth.se